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Sunday 10 July 2011

Two goodbyes by heart... Dos despedidas de corazon.

Today I blog from the heart, not that I never do. Just today is how I let my feelings go out to the world. I haven't blogged about him nor I have blogged about her. They deserve their own post but today I will blog my feelings about both. Because together they left this earth. Leaving people that love them behind. Its weird to think that something like this would ever happen. Granted he left two weeks before, but she new he was coming for her.
So, let me tell you about this wonderful guy, the one I had the opportunity to know my whole life till this point. This man was not my grandfather by blood, but he was my grandfather non the less. I was just that lucky to actually have two whom I loved with all my heart. They both loved me too and they both tough me different things. Its weird to think that all of them are gone now and in some way we show them to the world just by being us. Once I wrote that I called my step-grandfather Don Carlis because that's how I learned. But he truly was my grandfather by heart. He left unexpectedly, no one really though he would ever leave before her and so no one worried about Don Carlis. Him leaving makes me so sad. I learn so much and admire everything he did. Is because of him that today I love perfection, I love education, I love to be neat and tidy in the things I do. I try to keep everything on file. I love to read. I have always strive to be really good when I talk and write. I love history. I love walks. I have a passion for books, but most of all I knew he loved my grandmother. I have learn and love all this because of him and his examples. Glad to say he lives thru me and will always be remember. RIP Abuelito XXXX (Jun25.2011)


Now let me tell you about my HERO my POET of beauty and the one I still cant let go...They tell you she is sick and you still chose to believe is all a lie. That she is just fine. That nothing will ever happen to her. That she will always be there when you call, when you fly to see her. Today she has left me in shock that in time  it happens.
I have always said that she was the reason I am who I am. I became her more that I became my own mother. I wanted to be her. This love for writing, the love for sweets and fruit and food. The love for nature, the colors, the freshness of life, the passion for traveling. The love for fashion, love for cooking and baking. Speaking my mind. The quite love, the quite suffering, mourning in silence. All of it is hers. Every time I went back to Guatemala my focus was her. She deserved it. Every time I was there I would grab a chair and sit next to her. By her side I was me in the raw, I was always learning I was always laughing, I was always trying to make sure she new I loved her. I wish life wasn't this hard. I wish life was easier to live. I wish traveling would be in a blink of an eye. I wish we didn't have responsibilities. I wish I had more money I wish I was there and I wish more that anything she wasn't dead. I wish she would still be healthy I wish she could still be flying I wish she would be here. I wish she was still here to meet my future husband,to meet my future babies, to meet Dante, to learn more things, to still laugh at her jokes and for her to have a nickname for mike so I could laugh with her and enjoys the sweet slow moments in life like when I was with her. Instead today is reality. Today I have to understand. Instead today my LOVE has passes away to meet again with the ones she loved and left before her. Today I shed tears because she has left and I CANT be with my mother who is suffering or my father who consider her his other mother. I cant be with my uncle who has lost both of his parents in matter of days and has been with them his entire life (a new chapter in his life). I can be with my aunt who has been there with not much support. I can be with the family and no one will be. We are all separated by miles and miles of land. Today we can only be join by heart. Because life in a way stops us from being together. RIP Abuelita linda XXXXX I will always LOVE you. (Jul 10.2011)


I wish my heart would take more of this. I wish I could write longer so you could really understand why is it that I love her so much. But for today is enough.  Nothing will be the same. Guatemala wont be the same. (She was my ONLY reason) The house will never be the same.



Later I will do the translation in Spanish and write a few of my fondest memories









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