Guatemala HERE we come!!!

Ok dear blog peep's I am going to my darling country to share some time with my beautiful family. I am not sure what we are doing but ill try to keep you posted. All I know is that tomorrow I’ll be getting dippers and food for baby Diego. I really can’t wait for my family to meet his cuteness! Cause he is! Ill be gone for a week, so if you want something let me know!

This week has gone by pretty fast and a lot of things are happening. I am not as sad as I have been and things are way better, but still. I am pretty impatient and all I want is him. I hope the skies clear and things get on their way and hopefully someday fantasy unites with reality and there will be no more waiting.

All I can say is that this week I have smiled more than last and my emptiness is not so much there anymore. It’s amazing how much the people you love can help. I hope it helps him too.

Sayonara, have a great week, I love you all.

Thoughts

In life there is reality and fantasy. Dreams and hopes. We strive to be who we want to become based on what I have mentioned before. Reality is constantly telling us that your fantasies, dreams and hopes can be impossible. Truth is that if we don’t fight we will never be. Sometimes we have to kick reality in the face and say: Today is the day you are gone. Sure, reality is essential but we truly have to seek for that, which makes us whole.

Yesterday while I was reading NieNie and thinking how much I admire her. I though about the wife and mother I want to become.
I CAN NOT WAIT to get married. I want to be a crazy, loving, caring wife. I want to LOVE my husband like crazy and make him the happiest man every day. I want to cook for him and bake. So I want my kitchen to be amazing! :) I want to make small things every day to make sure he feels adore! :) Like he can’t wait to get home. BUT... I want him to love me like Gerard Butler! LOL you know? Like in P.S I love you or the movie 300? That type of love, that he loves so much that he will fight the world so we can be together. Or Patrick Dempsey like in Grey's Anatomy (Mc. Dreamy). Or like Ryan Gosling in the Notebook.


And I CAN NOT WAIT to be a wonderful mother who sits with her kids and makes them treats, Who reads them stories, who dances around with them in the living room, who lays down on the park and shows them the beauties of this world. Who makes them feel like life is all about being happy and unique regardless of what other people think. I don’t want a big house a small one will do just fine. I don’t care about Luxury all I care about is feeling cozy at my own home. I CAN NOT WAIT to be married to the man I love. So please, if you are out there come to me soon. I am very impatient.

Oh I never came around to say:
SHAUN WHITE you are FREAKING AMAZING!

Little Happiness

Since my brother left his Xbox at home and he already has his Playstation 3 and took it with him, not to mention he gave the Wii to my sister, I will be taking the Xbox with me! :) Yay for joy!!! This will be my little move in treat! :)

Because remember how I want to become a DJ??? LOL

Mango 101

1. I love to eat frozen berries.
2. Different cultures fascinate me.
3. I can spend hours watching movies.
4. The Office cracks me up.
5. My family means the world to me.
6. I am VERY impatient.
7. Love chocolate cover strawberries.
8. Huge pet peeve: people who can’t drive.
9. Smart guys are my weakness.
10. I want to be a snowboarder.
11. Amelie is my favorite movie (I connect with her in a way)
12. I can’t eat my meat if it’s not Extremely WELL DONE.
13. I tend to smile/laugh at stupid insignificant stuff all the time, people don’t get it.
14. I have a really hard time replying to emails, I am just lazy like that.
15. If I could be an animal I would want to be a Grizzly Bear.
16. I dream on spending my honey moon in Venice.
17. I don’t think online dating will ever work for me.
18. I love orange juice or cranberry juice with lots of ice.
19. Water is my favorite drink.
20. Stupid people make me upset.
21. I tend to be too analytical.
22. Fast, Fast, Fats is how I like to drive.
23. Reading is the most amazing way to escape from reality.
24. I daydream ALL the time.
25. I find beauty in the simplest things in nature.
26. Watching humans are the most fascinating thing.
27. There’s a huge kid within me that tends to come out, pretty much every hour of the hour.
28. I believe LOVE is the most wonderful thing.
29. I cant talk about UFO’s it gives the heebie-jeebies.
30. I love the word ‘Freak’ and any word coming from it. (Freaking, freakishly, etc.)
31. I don’t care if I have to live in a cave as long as I am with the man I love.
32. I love TECHNO.
33. I wish I had blue eyes.
34. Random and Weird people are the best!
35. A walk in the park is the most refreshing thing.
36. I love London.
37. I don’t like fish.
38. I love veggies.
39. Soy vanilla milk is amazing.
40. Ice cream and chocolate are by far my favorite treat.
41. Music is my therapy
42. Clothes are my weakness.
43. Insect’s make my skin crawl.
44. I fell from a tree when I was 7.
45. I love to be LDS.
46. God and Family are my strength.
47. I love my Iphone.
48. I like to watch the moon every night and think that the people I love are watching it too and in some weird way we connect.
49. I Love him too much.
50. I love my nephew like crazy and can’t wait till I have my own.
51. I want to be a professional DJ (I can be something like DJ mango!)
52. Mango is my favorite fruit, along with Watermelon and Berries.
53. Guatemalan food is amazing.
54. I don’t like Chinese or Mexican Food.
55. I am the worst friend, I never keep in touch.
56. I love to travel.
57. I want to learn to speak Japanese, German, Greek, Italian (of course) and many more.
58. Sometimes I wish for the perfect body, but since I am too lazy to exercise I can’t complain.
59. If I could choose where to live, I would love to live in Europe (Anywhere is good for me!)
60. I like Anime, anything from Hayao Miyazaki.
61. My neck hurts 99.99% of the time.
62. I love to take baths.
63. My bed, the bath and my car are my comfort zone.
64. I hate to give up on things.
65. I am pretty picky when it comes to food.
66. I love to be surprise.
67. I love the unexpected.
68. Ghosts fascinate me.
69. I can watch the travel channel and discovery channel all day.
70. I think Samantha Brown has the best job on earth. I would kill to have it! (She inspired me to travel the world)
71. Sarah Richardson is the best interior designer. (She inspire me to become one)
72. I will like to go to Dubai some day.
73. People, who deny the truth, deny themselves.
74. I love Nature.
75. I don’t like salads, only if it has lemon and salt, well ANYTHING that has Lemon and Salt is Perfecto...
76. Bungee Jumping sounds bueno.
77. I blog stalk.
78. I strive for honesty, so… don’t bother in befriending me if you can’t be honest with me.
79. Coke Zero, WOW.
80. Foreign movies make me happy.
81. I love kids.
82. Love Italian food.
83. I never park next to old cars or cars that cant park, I am afraid they will hit mine.
84. My life is like a soap opera, where the two main characters should be together but one makes a mistake, then other makes one too and it makes it more difficult to be together, so it just drags. I hope mine has a happy ending. At least I am the main character in the story.
85. Disney movies and cartoons make me happy!
86. I am all about contemporary stuff and some vintage.
87. Orange, yellow and green are my favorite colors.
88. I love my friends.
89. I am so indecisive
90. I can’t wait to be loved like crazy and love the same way back till the sunrise!
91. I get bored easily.
92. I hate talking on the phone, with a few exceptions. (*wink**wink*)
93. My fav number is 9.
94. I want to learn to play cello
95. Hamburgers have to be plain.
96. I believe lettuce should not be warm when you eat it.
97. I hate people that burp; it makes me want to puke.
98. I think hiccups are the funniest thing.
99. I always think that I am going to die from brain cancer or something like that.
100. I think way too much.
101. I feel like dying if my car gets scratched.

Finito no more!!! Ah it’s been hard.

Desperate Co.worker!

OK, my co-worker/friend has this idea that if she finds me a boyfriend I will stay in Texas. LOL So, now everywhere we go or anyone she talks to, she goes along these lines:

- So, how old are you?
- Lidia you are 24? Right?

- So, are you single?
- Lidia, how about that? He is single and cute! :)

- She is single too!

And I just turn red. I kick her in the knee! LOL not all the time but OMGosh! She is trying to find me someone!

LOL Like that will make me stay here! :)

The Bachelor and Snowboarding!!!

Oh How I hated Jake yesterday! He let Gia go! :( I know probably she wasn’t the best match, but come one, to pick Vienna over her? That is just NOT right! I am sad for Ali wanting to come back, but at the end I think she made the right choice. He is crazy if he ends up with Vienna. I WILL NEVER EVER watch the Bachelor AGAIN. LOL

Now, Snowboarding cross… Uh la la! Oh, AMERICA rocks. I love to watch them.

So basically yesterday was all about TV and more TV. Don’t judge! I don’t have a life.

What a weekend!

Well... Good Day Blog.

Where to start the events of this weekend???

Oh yea! RIP to 21-year-old Georgian athlete Nodar Kumaritashvili. It was Tragic and even more tragic to see his death!
Kudos to Hannah Kearney you rock on freestyle Skiing. She is only 23 and she was amazing.
Today I can’t wait to see the snowboarding competition. :) (Have I ever mentioned that apart from wanting to be a professional DJ I want to be a professional Snowboarder? I think I still have time!)

You gotta love the winter Olympics.

My family and I headed to Dallas and had so much fun with my sister, baby Diego and Jeremy. There was snow in Dallas so it was cold and beautiful.

 

Already getting thing together, applying for my old job. Guatemala is just around the corner and can’t wait to se my family down there before I head to SLC.

Today while I was getting my resume together I was looking for the best contact number at my old university in London. I worked at the library for a few months and I wanted to put some info down. So while I was looking at the web-site I found something that shocked me. LOL If you scroll all the way down you will find an article that says latest news 'Spring 07' (mind you, LATEST NEWS, ha ha ha!)

Read it here! I am in it! Ha ha ha! Oh time! :)

On a side note,
The man I love, once told me that when he came across this he felt like in some way it was like him and I. And I cried so much when I read it. I still do. But, what I forgot to see is that even though Joseph Smith forgave W.W. Phelps, He still died. So...
I forgive him. I do. It just hurts.

My manager

Has the heart of a rock! LOL but deep down, he has a heart of gold! :) He truly cares about people even though he appears harsh! :) He has become not only the greatest manager ever but a great friend too. He has helped me so much. From having a day off to boy problems and that makes him the best! :)


Why do I blog about him today? Well he knew we don’t have anyone for Valentine's Day and that we where not going to get anything. Well, all this week he has been making fun of how we are crying over guys and we have no one for Sunday! LOL but today he surprised us with this:

And he said: I will be your Valentine! :) How Sweet is that? He is so fun!

I FOUND my Wedding Song!!!

GO HERE

I love the Lyrics. My Future Husband should feel lucky and so will I!!!

Verse 1:
Everybody keeps telling me I'm such a lucky man,
Looking at you standing there I know I am.
Barefooted beauty with eyes that blue, sunshine sure looks good on you, I swear.

Oh I can't believe I finally found ya baby,
Happy ever after after all this time.
Oh there's gonna be some ups and downs,
But with you to wrap my arms around, I'm fine.

Chorus:
So baby hold on tight, and don't let go.
Hold on to the love we're making,
Cause baby when the ground starts shaking you gotta know,
When you got a good thing.

Verse 2:
You know you keep on bringing out the best in me,
And I need you now even more than the air I breathe.

You can make me laugh when I wanna cry,
This will last forever I just know. I know.

Chorus:
So baby hold on tight, and don't let go.
Hold on to the love we're making,
Cause baby when the ground starts shaking you gotta know,
When you got a good thing.

Bridge:
We got a good thing baby, woah.

So hold on tight, baby don't let go.
Hold on to the love we're making,
Cause baby when the ground starts shaking you gotta know,
Oh you gotta know, oh you gotta know, you gotta know,
When you got a good thing.

Ooooh ohh ohh.

We got a good thing, baby,

Woah oh oh

O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?

Is so hard to not have him and to think he doesn’t want me. I wanna be there if he needs me, I wanna be there for everything! But he doesn’t understand and he doesn’t care so... I just have to accept it!
He needs my help and I am not enough. I can't do anything. :'(
I think he is selfish. He doesn’t care about me. Uh how I wish I had the guts to speak out and tell him all I feel. If he would only feel how I feel, then we wouldn’t be so alone.

I should wear something like this for Stupid Valentine's! Can you believe I have never had a Valentine!?LAME

P.S. I think I am also selfih.

P.P.S. I LOVE HIM

P.P.P.S. I Know I shoulnt.

We got it!

Ok, so we officially have a place to live! :) I trust my future roommate’s judgment that the place will be totally awesome! :)
Now, all I need is a Job. Crossing my fingers I get the one I already apply for. So... If any of you know of any, then... Let me know!
Nothing exiting today, just my boring old life!
Well, my first phone interview for a job up there! Uh Utah, how I miss you! Well be seeing each other soon! Anyone wanna come down here and ride with me!?

ROADTRIP!

Have you ever seen

Death Becomes Her?

Well is a really dumb movie. I watched it a long time ago. Is about this too ladies who drink a potion so they can stay young and beautiful forever. I can remember why they fight so much or why they want to kill each other, I think is because a guy or something. Anyways, because they try to kill each other, they start to deteriorate. So they start finding ways to fix their body. They use tons of makeup and skin color spray cans. LOL is really dumb and funny at the same time.

Now, you might be asking yourself, why I am talking about this old movie. Well... This morning while I was driving to work (mind you, I drive a freaking hour to get there; I have plenty of time to think about random crap like this!) I felt like them. LOL is like everything inside is deteriorating because I am so sad and its starting to show on my face. So, the makeup covers all of it. And THEN, I remembered this movie. LOL and said OMGosh! I totally feel like them. LOL I know. It’s stupid, but funny! At least I laughed, when I came across this though! LOL I still do.

I was reading nienie's article in Wasatch Woman Magazine and she said something that I def have to quote. Because, I constantly feel like that.

I know, I am not her and the pain she feels is greater that anything I am experiencing at the moment. But is how I feel and think so...

"I hate pain, I hate being down and out. I hate having to spend hours to get better. I just want to be made whole right now. With no complications or problems. I am so impatient".-NieNie.

I can wait for this pain to go away and be made whole again.

It could not be more accurate!

LIFEHOUSE

"Broken"

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you 

Week Events

My dear brother is here :) and *drum rolls**drum rolls* he will be station in San Diego, CA. Whoop Whoop! He is not going to freaking Japan, thank Goodness! :) (Although, it would have been so awesome to visit him there!). BUT, he is not going to Iraq or Afghanistan or anywhere close to there. So that makes my broken heart happy! He will be here for two weeks and then he'll be headed to CA.


Shelly (AKA Shellina Cluffinger) is in Town from SLC and I am glad Ill get to see her at least for a day, before is my turn to be there!

Although a bit too late, Baby Diego got his blessing on Jan.31.2010.

So far the week is being filled with joy, I get to be with people I love and get to smile when I constantly forget how to.

Because lately I have been feeling like Debbie Freaking Downer and all I think about is how I over analyze things and how this affects my daily life. All I can think about is him, and how he never cared and how he goes about his life and doesn’t even think about the pain he has greatly caused me. I know. I have to admit that I was the one who pushed him away, but don’t you think that if he truly cares about me he would try to contact me regardless. At least to let me know that he cares even if he cant be with me! Because is not fair to love someone, I mean, truly love them, and being told they care about you and then dump you! Like you are worthless. Because they get to live their life, while you are crushed. Is not fair.

And I am truly sorry to keep talking about this and I apologize in advance, because ill keep talking about this. Till I get over it. Till I stop.

But, How do I stop caring, how do I heal a broken heart??? How, How, HOW??? I am talking about the man I love, the one who I want to marry, the one who I can see myself getting old with! SAD.

I just hate him! Because he doesn’t care. So why should I.

OK, so...

I've decided I might post everyday! :) LOL yea right, now that I am saying this I might not! :) We'll see. I mean, is good to keep track of things that I feel, I think, and wanna share, I know... Probably no one looks at this thing, that’s why, in a way, is better for me to let go of my thoughts thru here!


Ya know? Someone random may find my blog and learn something from it! LOL yea, right! :)

So you know what I was thinking? Don’t you think most songs now are pretty depressing? They all are about losing love. I should change the name of this blog to "Breaking up with Love" or I should make a NEW one so we can all post about this!!! LOL I don’t know. We’ll see.

Can't wait

For, This:

to become, this:

...

Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such. -Henry Miller

Shakespeare-
"Doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love". -
"But love is blind, and lovers cannot see".
"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt". -
"The course of true love never did run smooth". -
"Everyone can master a grief but he that has it". -
"Journeys end in lovers meeting".

One month down...

And a life time to go (till I learn to get over it!). Isn’t this blog depressing??? All I talk about is how I hurt. But I guess is like my therapy. Every night I pray and I pray till I fall asleep. Because if I don’t, then... I think about him. LOL I still think about him while I am praying. The only difference is that when I pray I don’t hate him or want him with me. I pray for a way out. I was so close. Oh! So close in forgetting him. He comes back in my life and paints this lovely picture and like a kid I believed him. Then he hurts me and walks away. But I deserve it! I truly do. For thinking love conquers all. That in love everything is possible. Lie, Lie, Lie... Love doesn’t do crap except hurt you. Obligation is bigger. You HAVE to do this, you HAVE to do that. Blah blah blah. I feel bad for her, she is living a lie. I feel bad for him. He is living a lie. All I truly hope is that, the lie they are both living doesn’t affect anyone else. Like it hurt me. I haven’t heard anything from him at all. Not even an ‘I am sorry I came back into your life and smashed your heart’. NOTHING. So I hurt everyday. They slowly drag. A few days ago for the 1st time, I hated him, so bad, I wanted the worst for him. I hated him. I was so mad. All the broken promises. All the lies. I cried in anger. I am not an evil person, I don’t hate anyone (well I did, once, when I was in college, uh this girl. But I promise she has been the only one. NO. Wait I think there's one more. This kid in middle school, uh I hated his guts! But he hated me too. LOL now we are FB buddies! And I don’t even hate that other girl anymore!) So... It hurts me I don’t have him, It hurts me when I think of him (24/7), It hurts me when I hate him, It hurts me when I don’t want to hate him. But it hurts me more the fact that I love him so much and I have to let it go.
BUT... I am moving soon so... who knows maybe ill find me a hottie up there in the wonderfulness of my fav city!
So anyone wanna go out in a date with me??? LOL