Nadia Ali : Promises

All your promises, I've said before 
They're only words to fill the space, you won't explore 
All your promises, I'm so naive 
Because I wanted you and wanted to believe 
Like I've always done 

Where, where do we go, where do we go from here? 
After all the thoughtless things we said 
Where, where do we go, where do we go from here? 
Now that all the, all the love is dead 

You held the secret key straight to my soul 
I gave it all to you, you took more than you know 
Oh the bitter truth is that I'm better off without you 
And I still I know, to let you go will take me years to do 

Where do we go, where do we go from here? 
After all the thoughtless things we said 
Where, where do we go, where do we go from here? 
Now that all the, all the love is dead

As time goes by

the more I learn about life and its hidden mysteries in it. Although we want things so bad to go our way, its really not in our time but Gods time and all his wonderful blessings. Although we may think things are not bearable, he shows otherwise. True, I don't have what I want or what I desire at the moment but is making me stronger. I am amazed at how strong my heart is becoming. Not sure if its good or bad. Sometimes I feel like my heart is becoming a rock, like I don't care anymore and that anything can just pass by with out any reaction from me. But then... something happens and I remember I still have one and that is alive, in pain but alive. I cant wait to NOT be in pain. To be fulfill with love. I don't wish this on anyone at all. Not even my worst enemy, cause trust me she is the cause. But I don't wish it on anyone, not even her. (For being STUPID!!! like people on 'Family Feud' LOL)
Am I evil? Yes I believe I am. Its life.

When times get hard...

I just wanted to post this. Today for some odd reason I been feeling not so good, hence the previous post.

Anywho... I been off all day today because I fight with my heart and since my heart is stronger my mind get supper upset. Then logic comes in and well I end up having a medieval battle. Sad.

But I received and emailed today that made me smile a lot :) and then I felt better. Then I received a call, from this girl that work at one of the banks we do business with. I hardly knew her at all but long story short they let her go and so on Tuesday morning when I came in they just told me she was gone. Today I get that call. is her and she tells me this: Hey this is ... and I just wanted to say, it has been a pleasure working with you, you are so wonderful and I loved getting to know you. You made my job easier. You truly know what you are doing and I am glad they hire such a wonderful person like you. Your department took a 180 turn and I am glad they have you. Please keep up the good work you are a wonderful person.

That right there made me cry, I was in tears. I thank her and told her that I could not believe she actually though of me and that I hope she was ok and that if she needed anything I was there. Today, of all days she though of me and then she calls me to make me feel a million times better. To add to the blessings of the day they got Pizza so, I think even though you feel down and sad and somehow lonely, there is always someone truly thinking about you who actually cares.

So to my Amiga's I love you guys, I am glad you are in my life and I thank you for the support you give me while I go thru this calls broken. I am always thinking of you too.

P.S. Yesterday this guy taught me how to play Chess :) It was kind of boring but interesting in a way. LOTS of trick and thinking about moves. But all I could think was Harry Potter and the sorcerer's stone! :)

100th Post

Ok, so I don't have anything super exciting to blog about, time has been hard on me but gentle in a way! One month ago today was my birthday and it makes me feel like I am a month closer to 26, that's gotta be freaky, I already feel old as it is and well... I hate it.

Two weeks later or so... I fix my draft.
So like I was saying, time has been hard, constantly having a fight with myself is exhausting. I need to believe there is something better waiting for me. I guess I am just afraid of not feeling like I did. So scared, I panic all the time. I am trying so hard NOT to fall and find my way. I am the cause and I go in search of it.

Sometimes I wish I was a 'Who' and live in 'Whoville', they sure know how to have fun and enjoy their tiny little lives. I would have nothing to worry, except that I was in a clover. Then again maybe I wouldn't. You know how I feel right now? Like Jojo on the first scene


 
LOL But maybe I should be like Katie
 

 
I guess I just want to feel this: You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.