Nickelback-If today was your last day! Might be the one for me, hence the rhythm!

my best friend gave me the best advice

he said each day's a gift & not a given right
leave no stone unturned
leave your fears behind
& try to take the path less travelled by
that first step you take is the longest stride

if today was your last day
& tomorrow was too late
could you say goodbye to yesterday?
would you live each moment like your last?
leave old pictures in the past?
donate every dime you had?
if today was your last day

against the grain should be a way of life
what's worth the price is always worth the fight
every second counts 'cause
there's no second try
so live like you're never livin twice
don't take the free ride in your own life

if today was your last day
& tomorrow was too late
could you say goodbye to yesterday?
would you live each moment like your last?
leave old pictures in the past?
donate every dime you had?
would you call those friends you've never seen?
reminisce old memories?
would you forgive your enemies?
would you find that one your dreaming of?
swear up & down to God above
that you'll finally fall in love?
if today was your last day

if today was your last day
would you make it up by mending a broken heart
you know it's never too late
to shoot for the stars
regardless of who you are
so do whatever it takes
'cause you can't rewind
a moment in this life
let nothing stand in your way
cause the hands of time are never on your side

if today was your last day
& tomorrow was too late
could you say goodbye to yesterday?
would you live each moment like your last?
leave old pictures in the past?
donate every dime you had?
would you call those friends you've never seen?
reminisce old memories?
would you forgive your enemies?
would you find that one your dreaming of?
swear up & down to God above
that you'll finally fall in love?
if today was your last day

Thankfulness and such!

(Baby Diego and Me!)

Oh turkey week full of events! Its been painful, joyful and fun.

Last week has been painful, that pain is still dragging and will still drag till I learn to get over it. Listening to depressing music does not help but it makes me feel better after I cry for just a bit. But things will change, I have high hopes that it will.

Last week has been joyful, my sister with her baby and brother in law drove down here and my bother flew here from North Carolina. We actually never told my parents he was coming, so we lied just a wee bit and told them I was going to Walgreen's when in reality I was going to the airport to pick him up! My padres were so mad with me cause I was taking for ever, ha ha ha! When I came back I told them I could not find anything open and then when I finally did they didn't have what I was looking for, BUT i had found someone at the store... and then my brother comes in, ha ha ha, it was so funny, my dad was in total shock he could not say a word and then my mum was holding the baby and she almost dropped him screaming and such! LOL they where so happy they started to cry! :) all in all we had a wonderful thanksgiving. The entire family was here enjoying each others company, even my brothers girlfriend came by and spent time with us, BUT in all of this, guess who was missing a partner??? you are right! ME. My mum with my dad. My sister with my brother in law and baby. My brother with his girlfriend. The dogs all together. Them ME.SIGLE.BOYFRIENDLESS.ALONE. for a moment I stopped and realized I was HALF. Regardless I did have an awesome time.

Last week was fun. On Friday there was a church dance and of course my bother made me go! I HATE church parties. I felt again HALF, because most of them had their certain someone and friend and more. Me? SIGLE.FRIENDLESS.ALONE. During the weekend we spent time at the Renaissance Festival and it was pretty darn awesome. Weird people everywhere dresses in medieval times. BUT all in all it was way fun. Except for my hair, I looked like a freaking lion. Mufasa, ragh! LOL Well that's pretty much it.

Thank yous:

-To God, why? After ALL I go thru? Simple, he gives me hope.

- Family, because they support me no matter what, they love and will love what I love and that's super dandy!

-Friends, near or far, you support me too. Regardless if we talk for a minute or hours. If we never talk or barely speak to each other. I LOVE YOU ALL.

-Love, because it has showed me that for this feeling I am willing to climb mountains, that love still lives with in me like fire, and has a passions that words can not even describe.

-My job, it might not be the greatest thing out there but it pays me to do absolutely nothing and have time to do what i want to do! I have a great manager and a co-worker that's now a few of my friends in Texas, I have learned so much from them, that makes me a better person.

-My padres House

-My car

-Cold Weather

-Being Safe

-Being Free

-HOPE

-Understanding

-so much more and finally I am grateful because my heart is not a rock (yet!)

Ahhh!

I scream at the top of my lungs while I am driving, Does it help??? YES
I sing at the top of my lungs, while I drive, while a blow dry my hair, while I am at the shower, Does it help??? YES
I cry like a baby when I get mad, Does it help??? YES
I dream to much cause reality sucks, Does it help??? YES
I make I wish anytime I can, Does it Help??? YES
I love to drive fast, Does it help??? YES
I find happiness in life simple pleasures (the cherry on top of my cherrylimede, the curb I take at 50mph instead of 30mph, when i wake up and look at the mirror and find out i actually don't look that bad, the pumpkin spice smell in my car, etc. you get the pic!), Does it help??? YES
I love my family and I know they love me, Does it help??? YES
I go crazy and I get inspired by techno and classical music, Does it help??? YES
I never put my feet on the ground because earth sucks, Does it help??? YES
BUT...
Why after all of that wonderfulness my heart still aches? Because I do recognize I AM impatient, I do not have that virtue. I just want things to get fixed, I DO BELIEVE they can and that's why I try to calm myself with life pleasures!

Learning to let go!

Joseph B. Wirthlin was by far one of my fav and will still be. I find inspiration in all he said. 'Come What May, and Love It'! what an extraordinary thought! The first thing we can do is learn to laugh. As we look for humor, seek for the eternal perspective, understand the principle of compensation, and draw near to our Heavenly Father, we can endure hardship and trial. As you may know I am going thru a really hard time in my life, where nothing seems possible! I try really hard to see the best in me but i can not. I try to be positive but gravity keeps dragging me down! I don't see a purpose on my daily emptiness and how I hurt! But when I remember this words, I see the light! I just have to let go! let go and free it!

I Must be Doing Something Wrong!

Because 2009 has NOT being nice to me at all, and not only 2009 but the Big man up there! and like I said, I MUST def have done some bad in the world cause Karma is out to get me! It seems like my tears wont fix my problems, it seems like my feelings of needing to change wont fix it either. Then I wonder if I need to be perfect to deserve something good in life. My heart aches like there is no tomorrow and I have only me to blame. I love like I need that tomorrow in order to survive. It seems like what ever I do in life does not and will not bring me happiness. I am stuck, I have been stuck and I feel like I want to be somewhere else. Become someone else and finally understand why am I here. What do I have to do, in order to be seen, in order to be wanted. I just feel like I need a very long long run and just run only to exfoliate pain. Because if I just sit down my mind will only focus on how my heart suffers. Where are we going to find the strength to fight back, to be strong, to be happy and find the way. How can I find happiness if is denied. It's on restrictive access. The mirror tells me there is emptiness in my eyes.