Sunday Night

Finally laying in bed and thinking about life mishaps. I am back. Missing my family in Guatemala like crazy. My Grandma is the sweetest, funniest, caring, most wonderful lady in my life (My mom too! LOL) I really haven't cry for her, till Thursday night when I was leaving her. I could not stop crying thinking she is so sick and I am here, unable to give her what she needs. Is not like I can ask for her to get better, because I know she wont get better. I feel like the two people I love the most at this moment are slipping from my hands and it does not matter what I do, they are still going to leave me. I have them there, they love me (Well... I know at least she does, I'm not sure what he calls it), they want the best for me, but they are leaving in a way. I cannot lie to myself. I want my reality to finally be better than my fantasies. My heart aches for both of them, I want peace and happiness for them. She told me she would try to hold on, for me. That she loved me so much she didn't want me to leave. She told me I was her favorite grandchild :), all the memories, all the poems. I am who I am because of her (and my parents of course!). I Love her so much and today my heart not only aches for him but for her too. Today I feel like I have to learn to accept it.

Good Night, lets pray.