One month down...

And a life time to go (till I learn to get over it!). Isn’t this blog depressing??? All I talk about is how I hurt. But I guess is like my therapy. Every night I pray and I pray till I fall asleep. Because if I don’t, then... I think about him. LOL I still think about him while I am praying. The only difference is that when I pray I don’t hate him or want him with me. I pray for a way out. I was so close. Oh! So close in forgetting him. He comes back in my life and paints this lovely picture and like a kid I believed him. Then he hurts me and walks away. But I deserve it! I truly do. For thinking love conquers all. That in love everything is possible. Lie, Lie, Lie... Love doesn’t do crap except hurt you. Obligation is bigger. You HAVE to do this, you HAVE to do that. Blah blah blah. I feel bad for her, she is living a lie. I feel bad for him. He is living a lie. All I truly hope is that, the lie they are both living doesn’t affect anyone else. Like it hurt me. I haven’t heard anything from him at all. Not even an ‘I am sorry I came back into your life and smashed your heart’. NOTHING. So I hurt everyday. They slowly drag. A few days ago for the 1st time, I hated him, so bad, I wanted the worst for him. I hated him. I was so mad. All the broken promises. All the lies. I cried in anger. I am not an evil person, I don’t hate anyone (well I did, once, when I was in college, uh this girl. But I promise she has been the only one. NO. Wait I think there's one more. This kid in middle school, uh I hated his guts! But he hated me too. LOL now we are FB buddies! And I don’t even hate that other girl anymore!) So... It hurts me I don’t have him, It hurts me when I think of him (24/7), It hurts me when I hate him, It hurts me when I don’t want to hate him. But it hurts me more the fact that I love him so much and I have to let it go.
BUT... I am moving soon so... who knows maybe ill find me a hottie up there in the wonderfulness of my fav city!
So anyone wanna go out in a date with me??? LOL