Grief.

So today I was listening to the radio, a very familiar story was told, in a very familiar situation. This person was in love with a girl who was getting married to a man she didn't love, all because she's been push by family and society, because he is a better catch than the man she loves. The wedding is this weekend. This person called to get advice, as what to do. A lot of people called in to give their opinion. I teared, because in a way, it felt like they where talking to me, like they where talking to him. I could not believe that more people than what I though have gone and are going thru the same thing as I have. We mortals are so common . We all deal with the same thing. History repeats over and over again. All because we don't have the balls to actually fight for what we believe is right!
We have to be strong and fight to be stronger in those times when we feel the world is on us.

Have you ever seen Grey's Anatomy and felt like it was talking to you? Well I constantly do. Let me share this with you:

Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone.

It isn't just death we have to grieve. It's life. It's loss. It's change.

And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime.

That's how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can't breathe, that's how you survive. By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won't feel this way. It won't hurt this much.

Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way. So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty.

The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can't control it. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes. And let it go when we can.

The very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again. And always, every time, it takes your breath away.

There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five.Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

Finally this.

So lets just grief till we have to and then... MOVE ON.

Somethimes...

I think my life is hard, that the pain I feel is incredible and that no one feels the same. Sometimes I wish numbness. I think, why me? why this pain? why did you let this happen? Why, why, why and will this ever end?
And then, I come across something like this and I cry... and then, I am grateful.
Even the best people, the ones who we think don't deserve it, even them, hurt. Just like me. It does not matter, we all suffer regardless if we deserve it or not. So we have to find a way to look at the "Bigger" picture! :)

Bye Bye 2009!!!

I am about 25 days late, to tell 2009 you freaking sucked!!! Well... Not really! :) I guess I am taking it too far by saying that, but some times I think you did!

It was a hard year but a fun one none the less.

- I got to go to Guatemala, Utah, San Diego and Dallas (Like a bunch of times).

- I got to be with my family

-Baby Diego was born! the most wonderful addition to this crazy family!

- I had weird stuff happen to me


- I got to spend money! LOL you know! living with the parental units, lets you spend all that possible rent money! :)


- Got to experience LOVE all over again


- Got My heartbroken ALL over again. :) (Keeping a positive attitude)


- Snow in Texas


- Working on Fixing my credit! :)


- Saying goodbye to my lovely Jeep Liberty :'( I honestly cried when I had to leave it. It felt like I was living part of who I was! so I did, I did cry! :( and I still miss it very much...

BUT...

2010 Started with good things! So... Ill leave the past in the past and look forward to a brand new year full of mysteries and adventures.

Nickelback-If today was your last day! Might be the one for me, hence the rhythm!

my best friend gave me the best advice

he said each day's a gift & not a given right
leave no stone unturned
leave your fears behind
& try to take the path less travelled by
that first step you take is the longest stride

if today was your last day
& tomorrow was too late
could you say goodbye to yesterday?
would you live each moment like your last?
leave old pictures in the past?
donate every dime you had?
if today was your last day

against the grain should be a way of life
what's worth the price is always worth the fight
every second counts 'cause
there's no second try
so live like you're never livin twice
don't take the free ride in your own life

if today was your last day
& tomorrow was too late
could you say goodbye to yesterday?
would you live each moment like your last?
leave old pictures in the past?
donate every dime you had?
would you call those friends you've never seen?
reminisce old memories?
would you forgive your enemies?
would you find that one your dreaming of?
swear up & down to God above
that you'll finally fall in love?
if today was your last day

if today was your last day
would you make it up by mending a broken heart
you know it's never too late
to shoot for the stars
regardless of who you are
so do whatever it takes
'cause you can't rewind
a moment in this life
let nothing stand in your way
cause the hands of time are never on your side

if today was your last day
& tomorrow was too late
could you say goodbye to yesterday?
would you live each moment like your last?
leave old pictures in the past?
donate every dime you had?
would you call those friends you've never seen?
reminisce old memories?
would you forgive your enemies?
would you find that one your dreaming of?
swear up & down to God above
that you'll finally fall in love?
if today was your last day

Thankfulness and such!

(Baby Diego and Me!)

Oh turkey week full of events! Its been painful, joyful and fun.

Last week has been painful, that pain is still dragging and will still drag till I learn to get over it. Listening to depressing music does not help but it makes me feel better after I cry for just a bit. But things will change, I have high hopes that it will.

Last week has been joyful, my sister with her baby and brother in law drove down here and my bother flew here from North Carolina. We actually never told my parents he was coming, so we lied just a wee bit and told them I was going to Walgreen's when in reality I was going to the airport to pick him up! My padres were so mad with me cause I was taking for ever, ha ha ha! When I came back I told them I could not find anything open and then when I finally did they didn't have what I was looking for, BUT i had found someone at the store... and then my brother comes in, ha ha ha, it was so funny, my dad was in total shock he could not say a word and then my mum was holding the baby and she almost dropped him screaming and such! LOL they where so happy they started to cry! :) all in all we had a wonderful thanksgiving. The entire family was here enjoying each others company, even my brothers girlfriend came by and spent time with us, BUT in all of this, guess who was missing a partner??? you are right! ME. My mum with my dad. My sister with my brother in law and baby. My brother with his girlfriend. The dogs all together. Them ME.SIGLE.BOYFRIENDLESS.ALONE. for a moment I stopped and realized I was HALF. Regardless I did have an awesome time.

Last week was fun. On Friday there was a church dance and of course my bother made me go! I HATE church parties. I felt again HALF, because most of them had their certain someone and friend and more. Me? SIGLE.FRIENDLESS.ALONE. During the weekend we spent time at the Renaissance Festival and it was pretty darn awesome. Weird people everywhere dresses in medieval times. BUT all in all it was way fun. Except for my hair, I looked like a freaking lion. Mufasa, ragh! LOL Well that's pretty much it.

Thank yous:

-To God, why? After ALL I go thru? Simple, he gives me hope.

- Family, because they support me no matter what, they love and will love what I love and that's super dandy!

-Friends, near or far, you support me too. Regardless if we talk for a minute or hours. If we never talk or barely speak to each other. I LOVE YOU ALL.

-Love, because it has showed me that for this feeling I am willing to climb mountains, that love still lives with in me like fire, and has a passions that words can not even describe.

-My job, it might not be the greatest thing out there but it pays me to do absolutely nothing and have time to do what i want to do! I have a great manager and a co-worker that's now a few of my friends in Texas, I have learned so much from them, that makes me a better person.

-My padres House

-My car

-Cold Weather

-Being Safe

-Being Free

-HOPE

-Understanding

-so much more and finally I am grateful because my heart is not a rock (yet!)