Week Events

My dear brother is here :) and *drum rolls**drum rolls* he will be station in San Diego, CA. Whoop Whoop! He is not going to freaking Japan, thank Goodness! :) (Although, it would have been so awesome to visit him there!). BUT, he is not going to Iraq or Afghanistan or anywhere close to there. So that makes my broken heart happy! He will be here for two weeks and then he'll be headed to CA.


Shelly (AKA Shellina Cluffinger) is in Town from SLC and I am glad Ill get to see her at least for a day, before is my turn to be there!

Although a bit too late, Baby Diego got his blessing on Jan.31.2010.

So far the week is being filled with joy, I get to be with people I love and get to smile when I constantly forget how to.

Because lately I have been feeling like Debbie Freaking Downer and all I think about is how I over analyze things and how this affects my daily life. All I can think about is him, and how he never cared and how he goes about his life and doesn’t even think about the pain he has greatly caused me. I know. I have to admit that I was the one who pushed him away, but don’t you think that if he truly cares about me he would try to contact me regardless. At least to let me know that he cares even if he cant be with me! Because is not fair to love someone, I mean, truly love them, and being told they care about you and then dump you! Like you are worthless. Because they get to live their life, while you are crushed. Is not fair.

And I am truly sorry to keep talking about this and I apologize in advance, because ill keep talking about this. Till I get over it. Till I stop.

But, How do I stop caring, how do I heal a broken heart??? How, How, HOW??? I am talking about the man I love, the one who I want to marry, the one who I can see myself getting old with! SAD.

I just hate him! Because he doesn’t care. So why should I.

OK, so...

I've decided I might post everyday! :) LOL yea right, now that I am saying this I might not! :) We'll see. I mean, is good to keep track of things that I feel, I think, and wanna share, I know... Probably no one looks at this thing, that’s why, in a way, is better for me to let go of my thoughts thru here!


Ya know? Someone random may find my blog and learn something from it! LOL yea, right! :)

So you know what I was thinking? Don’t you think most songs now are pretty depressing? They all are about losing love. I should change the name of this blog to "Breaking up with Love" or I should make a NEW one so we can all post about this!!! LOL I don’t know. We’ll see.

Can't wait

For, This:

to become, this:

...

Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such. -Henry Miller

Shakespeare-
"Doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love". -
"But love is blind, and lovers cannot see".
"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt". -
"The course of true love never did run smooth". -
"Everyone can master a grief but he that has it". -
"Journeys end in lovers meeting".

One month down...

And a life time to go (till I learn to get over it!). Isn’t this blog depressing??? All I talk about is how I hurt. But I guess is like my therapy. Every night I pray and I pray till I fall asleep. Because if I don’t, then... I think about him. LOL I still think about him while I am praying. The only difference is that when I pray I don’t hate him or want him with me. I pray for a way out. I was so close. Oh! So close in forgetting him. He comes back in my life and paints this lovely picture and like a kid I believed him. Then he hurts me and walks away. But I deserve it! I truly do. For thinking love conquers all. That in love everything is possible. Lie, Lie, Lie... Love doesn’t do crap except hurt you. Obligation is bigger. You HAVE to do this, you HAVE to do that. Blah blah blah. I feel bad for her, she is living a lie. I feel bad for him. He is living a lie. All I truly hope is that, the lie they are both living doesn’t affect anyone else. Like it hurt me. I haven’t heard anything from him at all. Not even an ‘I am sorry I came back into your life and smashed your heart’. NOTHING. So I hurt everyday. They slowly drag. A few days ago for the 1st time, I hated him, so bad, I wanted the worst for him. I hated him. I was so mad. All the broken promises. All the lies. I cried in anger. I am not an evil person, I don’t hate anyone (well I did, once, when I was in college, uh this girl. But I promise she has been the only one. NO. Wait I think there's one more. This kid in middle school, uh I hated his guts! But he hated me too. LOL now we are FB buddies! And I don’t even hate that other girl anymore!) So... It hurts me I don’t have him, It hurts me when I think of him (24/7), It hurts me when I hate him, It hurts me when I don’t want to hate him. But it hurts me more the fact that I love him so much and I have to let it go.
BUT... I am moving soon so... who knows maybe ill find me a hottie up there in the wonderfulness of my fav city!
So anyone wanna go out in a date with me??? LOL