...

Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such. -Henry Miller

Shakespeare-
"Doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love". -
"But love is blind, and lovers cannot see".
"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt". -
"The course of true love never did run smooth". -
"Everyone can master a grief but he that has it". -
"Journeys end in lovers meeting".

One month down...

And a life time to go (till I learn to get over it!). Isn’t this blog depressing??? All I talk about is how I hurt. But I guess is like my therapy. Every night I pray and I pray till I fall asleep. Because if I don’t, then... I think about him. LOL I still think about him while I am praying. The only difference is that when I pray I don’t hate him or want him with me. I pray for a way out. I was so close. Oh! So close in forgetting him. He comes back in my life and paints this lovely picture and like a kid I believed him. Then he hurts me and walks away. But I deserve it! I truly do. For thinking love conquers all. That in love everything is possible. Lie, Lie, Lie... Love doesn’t do crap except hurt you. Obligation is bigger. You HAVE to do this, you HAVE to do that. Blah blah blah. I feel bad for her, she is living a lie. I feel bad for him. He is living a lie. All I truly hope is that, the lie they are both living doesn’t affect anyone else. Like it hurt me. I haven’t heard anything from him at all. Not even an ‘I am sorry I came back into your life and smashed your heart’. NOTHING. So I hurt everyday. They slowly drag. A few days ago for the 1st time, I hated him, so bad, I wanted the worst for him. I hated him. I was so mad. All the broken promises. All the lies. I cried in anger. I am not an evil person, I don’t hate anyone (well I did, once, when I was in college, uh this girl. But I promise she has been the only one. NO. Wait I think there's one more. This kid in middle school, uh I hated his guts! But he hated me too. LOL now we are FB buddies! And I don’t even hate that other girl anymore!) So... It hurts me I don’t have him, It hurts me when I think of him (24/7), It hurts me when I hate him, It hurts me when I don’t want to hate him. But it hurts me more the fact that I love him so much and I have to let it go.
BUT... I am moving soon so... who knows maybe ill find me a hottie up there in the wonderfulness of my fav city!
So anyone wanna go out in a date with me??? LOL

Grief.

So today I was listening to the radio, a very familiar story was told, in a very familiar situation. This person was in love with a girl who was getting married to a man she didn't love, all because she's been push by family and society, because he is a better catch than the man she loves. The wedding is this weekend. This person called to get advice, as what to do. A lot of people called in to give their opinion. I teared, because in a way, it felt like they where talking to me, like they where talking to him. I could not believe that more people than what I though have gone and are going thru the same thing as I have. We mortals are so common . We all deal with the same thing. History repeats over and over again. All because we don't have the balls to actually fight for what we believe is right!
We have to be strong and fight to be stronger in those times when we feel the world is on us.

Have you ever seen Grey's Anatomy and felt like it was talking to you? Well I constantly do. Let me share this with you:

Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone.

It isn't just death we have to grieve. It's life. It's loss. It's change.

And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime.

That's how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can't breathe, that's how you survive. By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won't feel this way. It won't hurt this much.

Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way. So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty.

The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can't control it. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes. And let it go when we can.

The very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again. And always, every time, it takes your breath away.

There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five.Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

Finally this.

So lets just grief till we have to and then... MOVE ON.

Somethimes...

I think my life is hard, that the pain I feel is incredible and that no one feels the same. Sometimes I wish numbness. I think, why me? why this pain? why did you let this happen? Why, why, why and will this ever end?
And then, I come across something like this and I cry... and then, I am grateful.
Even the best people, the ones who we think don't deserve it, even them, hurt. Just like me. It does not matter, we all suffer regardless if we deserve it or not. So we have to find a way to look at the "Bigger" picture! :)

Bye Bye 2009!!!

I am about 25 days late, to tell 2009 you freaking sucked!!! Well... Not really! :) I guess I am taking it too far by saying that, but some times I think you did!

It was a hard year but a fun one none the less.

- I got to go to Guatemala, Utah, San Diego and Dallas (Like a bunch of times).

- I got to be with my family

-Baby Diego was born! the most wonderful addition to this crazy family!

- I had weird stuff happen to me


- I got to spend money! LOL you know! living with the parental units, lets you spend all that possible rent money! :)


- Got to experience LOVE all over again


- Got My heartbroken ALL over again. :) (Keeping a positive attitude)


- Snow in Texas


- Working on Fixing my credit! :)


- Saying goodbye to my lovely Jeep Liberty :'( I honestly cried when I had to leave it. It felt like I was living part of who I was! so I did, I did cry! :( and I still miss it very much...

BUT...

2010 Started with good things! So... Ill leave the past in the past and look forward to a brand new year full of mysteries and adventures.