Jealousy

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them. ~Jennifer James

Its been a week already since my last blog and like always, me, on my couch!!! thinking about life and things that come with it, wishing that some how we can get the better part in it. But we do have to realize that things are not peachy and dandy as we would wish.
Why Jealousy, you may ask yourselves? well its pretty simple, because... I am experiencing this feeling and its not pretty. So. I googled this shenanigan and found the quote above and its so freaking true. But its hard not to feel it. dumb? I know! but, I really like this guy and if I don't let it out is going to torment me and bug me and make me feel unwanted.
The fact that he talks to other girls and see other girls does not necessarily mean that he wants them, but that is what my mind tells me to think. And then the not so fun thoughts, come, I am not good enough, I am not this Barby looking doll, I am not cool and I will never find someone that will think I am the one. For some odd reason a kind of forgotten man told me once I deserved better... what does that exactly mean? I don't want you anymore because I have found someone much better than you!???
What the deuce and me? so going back to the jealousy thing! I feel jealous of those girls, those girls that have their attention, HIS attention to be quite exact. those girls that I think are far more pretty, thinner, and more fun (funner?)!!! I am Jealous of that girl I cant be. because I am who I am.
So yea! I suppose I can follow that quote and find myself and make others jealous of me. but so far I am still here and all I want to say to him is I like you... pick me. Choose me. Love me
so far? don't have quite the self confidence to tell him, just yet. I should just kiss him! now that would be jummy! ha ha ha ha...

OK So.... I am still looking to find another job and well I want a pet!!! DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA!!!