I seriously need to update this blog...

But here a few things pre-wedding and post wedding! Go to the links below...

Pre-wedding!
http://vimeo.com/28528669

Post-Wedding!
http://www.pictage.com/1134638

Pictures will only be up for a while so check them out.

I dont change...

It seems every time I promise something I always fail to  do it. I hate it. Because I always end up with regrets and put it aside until is to late to fix it or it takes longer to bring it back to the way it was. I am always overwhelm with so many other things that I forget about the most important things I should do. The past few months have been crazy in my life some super awesome, some super sad. As you know my grandparents past away and that has been really hard. Planning things for the wedding its been overwhelming and starting a new job will even be more crazy on top of everything. But God knows why he does things and all I can do is keep going. So things that had happen in a nutshell:

* I applied for citizenship a few months ago... Now I am a Citizen, now I am an American born in Guatemala :) Part of the Oath Ceremony is hard, because you renounce to the loyalty you have for country. Is like you are leaving behind part of who you are. Its then when I realize the love I truly have for my country of birth. But I am so happy that I can finally say I am an American. A proud American. I will serve my country with love and dedication. As much as love Guatemala, The United States is my home now and I love it for that too. Although I would not mind living somewhere in Europe. The fact that my future husband is part German fills a bit of that European void. Oh well I love everything that's is different. All cultures and Countries and their past. Love it.

My parent made me take a picture after :)

* Wedding plans are coming along just fine :) I am super overwhelm. I guess I cant stop typing that word because I am super tired of looking at things for the wedding. Planning a destination wedding is not as easy as I though. But the experience is going to be awesome. I can wait to share that day with my family. Flight, Hotel, dress, shoes, wedding site, restaurant, matron and made of honor dresses, couples video, invitations DONE DONE DONE. Now I only need to order flowers, tux, lanterns, extras and more extras. I can wait for all of it to be over and done with. So when I come back I can start planning the party! LOL more stress! But in reality all I want is to be married to the love of my life and my hero! Bridal shower with family in law and friends is this weekend and I don't know what to expect! Never been in that position. Bridal shower??? Never especially not in the states. (Sorry, I have been to one!) also whats the difference with bachelorette parties? I should google it! :)

I love my shoes, they are so cute. Sorry! Cant share my dress. :)

* My mom went to Guatemala and brought me a bunch of goodies. CANT wait for her to send me my things! :) She got me a poem I did to my grandma when I was a kid and we uses to go to a little town call Xenacoj. We always used to make poems on our way there and one day she said I should make one with all of them combined into one! I loved that time of my life. I was Oh so Happy! We would stay in this  town where she had a little shop and we would make ice cream (well... what we consider Ice Cream, it really is like a Popsicle but in a bad! LOL) and sell and just enjoy the simple life. We would go to the farmers market and buy fresh produce and candies. Tortillas with beans inside. Um they are so good! :) then on our way back she  would buy me ice cream for been a good companion. I love my grandmother! She was my best friend we would always be together and had tons of fun. I loved her sense of humor and all the little crazy things she did. I miss her. I know I was not the best at calling her an being in touch. I guess I was always in denial things would happen like that. I knew she knew me and that no matter what she loved me because of all we had. She knows that I love her more than words and actions can explain. I always lack to do whats best when it come to be in touch with the ones I love.

Ok that's pretty much it. Or at least what I can remember. Will post later for updates or highlights~!

Two goodbyes by heart... Dos despedidas de corazon.

Today I blog from the heart, not that I never do. Just today is how I let my feelings go out to the world. I haven't blogged about him nor I have blogged about her. They deserve their own post but today I will blog my feelings about both. Because together they left this earth. Leaving people that love them behind. Its weird to think that something like this would ever happen. Granted he left two weeks before, but she new he was coming for her.

So, let me tell you about this wonderful guy, the one I had the opportunity to know my whole life till this point. This man was not my grandfather by blood, but he was my grandfather non the less. I was just that lucky to actually have two whom I loved with all my heart. They both loved me too and they both tough me different things. Its weird to think that all of them are gone now and in some way we show them to the world just by being us. Once I wrote that I called my step-grandfather Don Carlis because that's how I learned. But he truly was my grandfather by heart. He left unexpectedly, no one really though he would ever leave before her and so no one worried about Don Carlis. Him leaving makes me so sad. I learn so much and admire everything he did. Is because of him that today I love perfection, I love education, I love to be neat and tidy in the things I do. I try to keep everything on file. I love to read. I have always strive to be really good when I talk and write. I love history. I love walks. I have a passion for books, but most of all I knew he loved my grandmother. I have learn and love all this because of him and his examples. Glad to say he lives thru me and will always be remember. RIP Abuelito XXXX (Jun25.2011)

Now let me tell you about my HERO my POET of beauty and the one I still cant let go...They tell you she is sick and you still chose to believe is all a lie. That she is just fine. That nothing will ever happen to her. That she will always be there when you call, when you fly to see her. Today she has left me in shock that in time  it happens.

I have always said that she was the reason I am who I am. I became her more that I became my own mother. I wanted to be her. This love for writing, the love for sweets and fruit and food. The love for nature, the colors, the freshness of life, the passion for traveling. The love for fashion, love for cooking and baking. Speaking my mind. The quite love, the quite suffering, mourning in silence. All of it is hers. Every time I went back to Guatemala my focus was her. She deserved it. Every time I was there I would grab a chair and sit next to her. By her side I was me in the raw, I was always learning I was always laughing, I was always trying to make sure she new I loved her. I wish life wasn't this hard. I wish life was easier to live. I wish traveling would be in a blink of an eye. I wish we didn't have responsibilities. I wish I had more money I wish I was there and I wish more that anything she wasn't dead. I wish she would still be healthy I wish she could still be flying I wish she would be here. I wish she was still here to meet my future husband,to meet my future babies, to meet Dante, to learn more things, to still laugh at her jokes and for her to have a nickname for mike so I could laugh with her and enjoys the sweet slow moments in life like when I was with her. Instead today is reality. Today I have to understand. Instead today my LOVE has passes away to meet again with the ones she loved and left before her. Today I shed tears because she has left and I CANT be with my mother who is suffering or my father who consider her his other mother. I cant be with my uncle who has lost both of his parents in matter of days and has been with them his entire life (a new chapter in his life). I can be with my aunt who has been there with not much support. I can be with the family and no one will be. We are all separated by miles and miles of land. Today we can only be join by heart. Because life in a way stops us from being together. RIP Abuelita linda XXXXX I will always LOVE you. (Jul 10.2011)

I wish my heart would take more of this. I wish I could write longer so you could really understand why is it that I love her so much. But for today is enough.  Nothing will be the same. Guatemala wont be the same. (She was my ONLY reason) The house will never be the same.

Till we meet again.

Later I will do the translation in Spanish and write a few of my fondest memories

Engagement Pictures!

"Picnik Show"

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Changes... BIG ONES.

Well hello my fellow bloggers. I know I have been absent and really for no reason at all. Except I am either too lazy or doing whatever. But yea I been wanting to blog for a while. :) Things are definitely NOT the same and for that I am OH so so grateful. During all this time I have gone thru what I believed was the worst thing that could ever happen to someone that believes in love as much as I do, something I though I could never come back from, standing for what is right, understanding, letting go, finding me, falling into what has been the greatest thing I could possibly come across, have the satisfaction of being completely me with no reservations, just me and FINALLY be in what I have always though I would NEVER experience. Falling into something call AGAPE.
People that know me, know this...
I am someone that loves, TRULY loves. (Not that no ones does, because they do) But... I am one of the very few that fight for that Love till the end.Honestly I never though I would be part EVER of the many people that have LoveMagic in their lives. I though that I was going to grow old and alone. In my house with flower patterns everywhere, plastic on ALL my furniture, with cats (cause their lazy) and a garden full of flowers. Very ODD :) but I truly though that THAT was my destiny. I never truly had faith in what God had for me. I though I had met that someone that he had chosen for me and because of a mistake he was taken away. So life as I knew it had no purpose at all. I was devastated because I truly though I had done something really horrible not to deserve that promise that was given to me.
Instead HE (i.e. GOD, just in case) proved me wrong. He showed me that his promises come around on his time and not mine. Yes. It takes time (HECK it does...) for some might come earlier and we envy them, we bring ourselves down. We believe we will never find it. We get hurt while others rejoice and it makes it a MILLION times worse. We think it will NEVER come to us and it is not till we are here where I am now :) That you think "And I though he (i.e. LOVE) was never going to come". You don't wanna hear how to be patient because if you are like me patience is NOT and option. You don't wanna hear that HE WILL COME when you are single and with what you tend to believe NO to be LIFE. True he makes things so much better he enhances them X.100.000.000.000.000 and so on. But the point is you do have a life so live it. And if HE promised you someone, that someone its on his way to meet and fall for you in Gods time. Take it from me. Who though it was NEVER going to happen. So if it takes longer, don't worry, enjoy right now cause he is coming.
Now I am engaged to be Married of course and life has taken a huge change, to start a new chapter in a few months and become someone envied by someone who will eventually have what I finally found and be envied too. Makes sense? LOL I think so.
Its been a while since I updated this blog and its music, so... frankly is about freaking time I do. All the music although I like it, is depressing. It was what I was feeling at the moment, but now, all those feelings are of love and NOT for someone that was never to be in my life in the first place. Thank goodness. God has his strange ways of working. Fun and painful and long roller coasters.